When a person you've had on the dating horizons disappears it can happen for a number of reasons and in a number of ways.
Let’s take a look at the scenario.
You’ve been dating for a few weeks or months, you’ve had an intoxicating experience where you’ve felt emotionally and physically connected to them. You’ve unexpectedly fallen deeper than you were expecting in short space of time. It’s felt like a whirlwind where things just seemed to work pretty well.
Then suddenly, they are out of the picture.
You may have experienced a sudden ghosting where they have simply vanished into thin air, they may have done a slow fade into the distance and are no longer available to you or for you and perhaps they aren't initiating contact (when they were seemingly all in before) or they have just done a complete Jackal and Hyde and messaged to say "they have got another focus right now" or something else on their mind that needs consideration.
You will also find, as you get yourself into a google well of research around reasons why they have disappeared, that there will be dating coaches telling you how not to let it happen again or how to do XYZ to keep them interested next time.
What I would ask is why are you passing over your power to someone else? When the door isn’t opening, it isn’t your door to open. You deserve the love and and attention from someone who is so frightened to lose you that you will never seize to know where you stand with them. You won’t ever need to worry about why they are disappearing or if they might disappear because you are the object of their affection, attention and desire.
Despite you now knowing that you want and deserve more you’re probably still wondering why they disappeared. Here are some reasons
It wasn’t working for them and they aren't mature enough to say
They didn’t have the same intentions as you but wanted you to believe otherwise
They are a bad communicator and doesn’t have the tools in his box to tell you what they wanted
They just weren't relationship ready
They are not invested in you or the relationship and took the easiest route out
They have has low emotional IQ
The natural response for when you don’t have the answers or closure in a dating and relationship scenario that didn't work out is to create your own, and so, you’ll internalise those thoughts and make it all about you.
They’ll be so much negative self-talk that you’ll think all people on the dating scene are the same and probably won’t want to date again. Or worse, you don’t reflect and learn your lessons and you’ll keep attracting the same kinds of people as before.
Here are the things singles tell themselves when someone disappears
I am not enough
I am not as good as other singles of the same gender
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I am not intelligent enough
I am not attractive enough.
All of the above are untrue.
You are enough and you must remember that the wrong person might be saying “what she/he wants is too much” but the right person for you will be saying to themselves “is that all she/he wants, I want to give her/him so much more”.
Be kind to yourself, don’t listen to dating coaches that try to tell you how to stop him/her disappearing. It wasn't your door to open and they have done you a favour by making space for the right person to come into your life.
Be thankful for the experience.
Big Love,
Sarah Louise Ryan x