I chatted to LBC about the peak in divorce rates at the start of each year and how divorce doesn't have to be negative. When you are ready, it can be about new beginnings and starting a brand new chapter. If you're back to dating again after divorce here's some top tips to build some momentum in finding your match.
With divorce rates peaking at the start of each year we talked to LBC about how new beginnings can be positive. You may have been with your previous partner for years if not decades, but rest-assured, you are not the only single in this boat, there are many like-minded individuals taking those first steps in the soulmate search again. Here are a few top tips from my Smatchmaking team to help you put your best foot forward in dating again:
Take Things Slow. The best things in life are worth waiting for and so don’t push yourself to find someone else immediately. You know you don’t want to settle for less than you deserve and so take it one step at a time and one date at a time. You may feel out of sorts meeting new potentials but it’s best to have fun with the dating process, learn about new people and more importantly learn about you in both the wants and the don’t wants for your next relationship. Don’t just think about the end goal, think about each person you meet and enjoy your new experiences with other singles just like you.
Be True To Yourself. You may feel that you have no clue where to start and you could perhaps go one of two ways – settling for less than you deserve because you want to fill a void of your ex-partner or perhaps so being so certain of what you don’t want that you may not enjoy the process of dating again. Remind yourself of who you are, what you enjoy and what keeps you ticking. Keep your beliefs, values and morals in mind when venturing out to meet new people and always follow your gut but whilst still giving every person you meet a chance to capture your interest. Remain open-minded but remember if something doesn’t feel quite right, it probably isn’t.
Manage Your Dating Expectations. You have to remember that nobody will be quite like your ex (as no two people are the same) and no relationship will ever be the same as another and so you have to be open-minded and open-hearted that your next relationship will be full of many new firsts. Each new first can be daunting but remind yourself that it’s exciting to get to know someone new and start a brand new beginning. Whilst it’s important to know what you want and write it all down (we will get to that next) don’t create a list of wants and don’t wants that is absolutely extortionate as you may end up putting up too many barriers to meeting your perfect potential. People enter your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and be open to this.
Write your list to attract love. Take some time to gather your thoughts and understand what it is that you want and just as importantly – what it is that you don’t want in finding love. Chances are you will have taken away from your previous relationship lots of learnings and you will know the things that were right and also the things that went wrong in making a love last. It’s really important to not see anything in your last relationships as mistakes but only learnings, this means you will enter into your next relationship with a positive mind-set for your potential match. Make a list of three really important wants in your match, focus on the most important element which is their personality. Also self-check by making three non-negotiable points to ensure your morals and values in your life are not compromised when consciously looking for your life-partner.
Leave Your Comfort Zone & Learn Something New. In love and life it’s vital to remember that things are not always ‘just around the corner’ for us and it could be that your match won’t just come up to you in a coffee shop and happily ever after will be lived together. You need to ensure you are saying yes more than you are saying no to socials, networking opportunities and taking up new and exciting hobbies. You will find a new lease for life, develop a deeper understanding of who you are and what you enjoy as a solo being before you enter life with you next special someone. To achieve something you have never achieved before, you have to do something you have never done before.
Getting back to dating after you have been through a divorce doesn’t have to be the most trying of times. You have already been through one of the toughest moments life will ever have to offer and so be positive, embrace the new, meet new people and know yourself more than you ever have before. Your next potential someone is searching for you too and so start your search.