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Figuring out ‘that feeling’ with someone new - lust or love?





So, you’ve met somebody new and the sky is full of fireworks and your tummy is full of butterflies. There’s nothing quite like the wonderful euphoria that those first few weeks bring but, how do you know if it’s the real thing?

Body and soul

Turn on the radio and you’ll hear any number of songs about love but not so many about lust. When we first meet somebody that we’re attracted to, endorphins are a-flying and it can be tricky to figure out if it’s the real deal or just physical attraction. So, how do you tell love from lust? Read on.

It must be love

When Cupid strikes, you’ll still experience that familiar tug of sexual attraction but, there’s much more to it than that. We often hear the phrase ‘love at first sight’ and, while love generally takes a little bit longer, there is something to this. Often, when we meet somebody new, the physical attraction is matched by the feeling that you’ve known him or her much longer than you actually have. If we’re going to be poetic, you could say that this is two souls recognising one another. If we’re going to be pragmatic, it’s more a case that you’ve ‘clicked’ and that you’ve discovered that you share interests, goals and ideals.

Love - the telltale signs

  • You find yourself thinking about that person all the time

  • Your friends notice that you manage to mention his or her name, no matter what the topic of conversation

  • You value that person’s opinion on most subjects

  • That person’s happiness is as important to you as your own

  • You can’t wait for your friends to meet him or her

If you’ve checked all of those boxes, then there’s a good chance that it’s love, however, before you book the church, let’s take a look at the indicators that it’s just lust:

Lust - the telltale signs

  • You find yourself thinking about that person all the time

  • Your friends notice that you manage to mention his or her name, no matter what the topic of conversation

  • Your conversations with that person tend to revolve around intimacy

  • You rarely feel an urge to speak with that person without intimacy, such as phone calls when you’re not together

As you can see, there is an overlap with love and lust and, this is where the confusion often lies. Lust can be powerful and can often mimic the feeling of being in love. However, if that person doesn’t interest you on an intellectual level - and you find that their happiness and wellbeing isn’t a priority for you, you may find that you’ve bought yourself a one way ticket to Lustville.

There’s nothing wrong with a relationship built on lust, as such, however, if you are looking for something a bit deeper, it’s a good idea to make sure that you identify and recognise the differences in order to avoid disappointment in the long term.

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