We're so thrilled to have award-winning dating and lifestyle blogger Alice Riley joining us on the Love Lessons blog to share her insights into self-love and how to fully show up and recognise that you are an amazing human being if you ever feel those thoughts creeping in about not being enough (and we can all get them from time to time!). You can catch Alice over on her incredible dating & lifestyle blog Alice In Wonderlust right here. Over to Alice...
“You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you”. That’s the cliché we’re told all the time. And it’s true. Confidence is attractive, but moreover, to navigate the demands of modern life and dating, you need a strong sense of self-worth.
But in a world of airbrushed Instagram models, 'badboy' behaviour, and flaky friends, this is easier said than done. We’re constantly bombarded with messages from all angles telling us we’re not good enough. But guess what? You ARE good enough. So here is my guide to loving yourself, and how to recognise the amazing human being that you are.
Cut off anything that is no longer serving you
Although technically we shouldn’t be relying on others for self-worth, the easiest place to love yourself is when you are surrounded by people who love you. This reminds you of all your positive qualities, and that you are a wonderful person who is worthy of great things. One short-cut to not loving yourself is being around people who don’t value you. So whether it’s a toxic relationship, a group who are constantly leaving you out, or a friend who always flakes last minute, take an audit of yourself and rid yourself of anyone who isn’t treating you how you deserve to be treated. You deserve to be loved and appreciated, so the relationships in your life must reflect that. Once you love yourself, you’ll naturally kick the less-than-good people to the kerb.
Make a list of everything you love about yourself
The key to self-love is to remind yourself of everything that makes you loveable. So make a list of all the things you love about yourself, so you have it to remind yourself of how great you are if you have a bad day. Do you have a fabulous bombshell figure? A wild and outgoing personality? Are you sweet and caring? Do you have a cracking sense of humour that leaves everyone in hysterics? Write it all down. If you’re struggling to think of things, ask a good friend or family member. Write it on pretty paper, paint and decorate it. Perhaps you don’t love everything about yourself. Perhaps you’re trying to work on your shyness, or control your temper. That’s fine. You can continue to work on these areas, but for the purpose of self-love, it’s great to focus on the positives too.
Surround yourself with positivity
The antithesis of point #1, is to surround yourself with positivity. Think about what you enjoy doing. Take up hobbies that energise your soul. Perhaps it’s boxing, salsa dancing, going to a protest, or volunteering at the local animal shelter. Before you go, make sure to have your list from #2 at the forefront of your mind, so you radiate warmth and positivity and attract people wherever you go. After ridding yourself of toxic people, this is how you make new connections who are more aligned with your new self-loving energy.
Practice good self-care
However great it is to put yourself out there, it’s also important to make sure you don’t burn yourself out. Set aside one evening a week for self-care. Take a candlelit bath, meditate, use rose quartz, watch some videos or a film you enjoy. Re-read the list from point #2 to remind you of your worth. This is particularly important if you experience a knockback; take the time to heal.
Assert strong personal boundaries
One key factor in maintaining your self-worth is to establish personal boundaries. Particularly if you’re a nice person, people will constantly give you grief, attempt to exploit you, and see what they can get away with. To combat this, you need a strong sense of what behaviour you will and won’t tolerate. Think about it; write it down if you have to. Then don’t be afraid to tell people “no”. Stand up for yourself if someone has wronged you. And when you have to, don’t be afraid to cut people off.
And there you have it, all the tips you need to take control of loving yourself before you can begin to share love with anyone else and ensure you are attracting ultimate dating and relationship happiness into your life.
Big Love, S xx