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Back To Dating: Rebuilding Confidence and Loving Yourself. By April Kirkwood.

Friends and family are going to be commenting, ”She's brimming with confidence!”

The death of a relationship, even the ones self-initiated, can make even the most self-assured slip and slide into the dark belly of low self-worth. It’s as though the end of love fuels the ego into full drive even if that means zooming off a cliff. Revenge becomes the force that propels rising each morning with a thirst for evening the score. In truth, these fear based decisions only lead to more chaos and confusion reinforcing the very self-destructive emotions that this painful experience has infiltrating the aura with negativity.

The shock after a fresh break up unnerves the senses so that doing nothing is often the best option. Emotions of sadness, regrets, and guilt cause a natural knee jerk reaction igniting a manic desire to rush out and get back all we believe has been lost. Impulsive one night stands, random dating, and risky behaviours become a disastrous pattern corrupting other facets of life as well. It can be a crash and burn moment if left to its own devices.

During initial grieving, it is also wise to withhold actually driving by their house, slashing their tires, or creating a false Facebook page to stalk them. Self-inflicting more pain is nonproductive poisoning the process of recovery. Posting photos of you with others is also not advised. Fuelling jealously never works in the long run. One night stands or sleeping with someone your ex know shows your weakness not your strength. Now is the time to publicly ghost out.

Affirmation: I am above this. I am classy and intelligent. So it is!

Counselor’s Tip: Impulsive acts rarely produce long lasting satisfaction.

So what is left to do? There is indeed much to accomplish within yourself and you are on your way without even realizing it. Continue your journey by finding a safe space to mourn privately without stressful deadlines or public demonstrations of your worst possible self. Silence is golden and it is in quietness when time can be a soft blanket shielding and comforting so this grief can be done at your own pace in your own way.

Research states that any relationship over three months if considered serious and more than an affair. So no one has a right to push or judge to rush before you’re ready. Detox from anyone that wants to diminish the voice of your heart. The heart has much to share if we can move past the fear of what lies beneath. Usually pain and sorrow are not strangers and has been met with bravery before but fear is a thief and wants to rob us of our power. It is now where tenderness and unconditional positive regard are recommended for emotional introspection. Unless you are a narcissist, mourning is a perfectly norm