The holidays are not always the most wonderful time of the year. And if you hear people saying it and you’re suffering heartbreak you might be thinking “who are they kidding” and how do I get passed this. Don’t worry, I hear you. Been there, done that but of course I am not interested in the t-shirt. So, let’s take some time to heal and get through these holidays unscathed, because let's face it, heartbreak has already done enough damage for one year. Here are my 5 steps to heal over the holidays:
Choose JOMO or FOMO. Depending on how you are feeling you should practise the Joy of missing out or if you want to do everything, the fear of missing out. The thing about heartbreak is that it is essentially grief. You are grieving and that is okay. It’s okay not to be okay and do not let anyone else tell you otherwise. When we suffer grief, it is something that is happening for us to heal, it will pass. But first, we have to go through all of the stages. We all go through the grief cycle in our own way and no two people grieve the same. With that sad, you will A) Have fear of missing out (FOMO) and will want to cram-pack your diary with plans to keep busy. So, do just that and schedule in all your friends and family as much as possible as your coping mechanism. Or B) you will want to miss out on everything while you recover from the weight of what you may be feeling and digest welcoming this new chapter of your life. In this case you can practise the Joy of missing out (JOMO). Just know whichever you choose time is a healer and we all heal at our own pace. Also, remember self-care along the way this holiday season.
Feel Good Faster. If this wasn’t your week, your month or your year (and I can relate, trust me) you should consider doing something for someone else. At this time of year there are so many people who are in need and sometimes we can forget how lucky we are. By helping others over the holidays it will divert your attention from hurt to wanting to do more for those in need. This also can bring you closer to a place of gratitude for the things you do have in your life at the moment which is the practise of positive psychology, bringing you a step closer to feeling a little better. During heartbreak I know all too well that it is a marathon not a sprint but by being grateful each morning and helping others you will begin to heal.
Forget Your New Year, New You. It starts NOW. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that the 1st of January is the time for a new leaf and new start - it starts now. Don’t put all the pressure on a new year because while it is a new 365 days, it is just another day so I would hate to think that you would expect to feel instantly better, happier and healed. It simply doesn’t work that way. Write down everything you want for yourself, for your future, for your health and for your happiness and start now. Get a head start and gain momentum this way you will be setting yourself up for your ‘new start’ successfully.
Self-Care Is Essential. I know when I was heartbroken I couldn’t even think about how many sugars I wanted in my cup of tea. So, if you're feeling a little or a lot of how I felt during a break-up then you can relate. Do not let looking after yourself fall by the wayside. Think about your alcohol consumption (as it is a depressant) monitor that and drink moderately, drink lots of water, eat lots of veggies on your Christmas dinner and do have lots of sleep and bubble baths - it is the holidays after all.
If you need others, please ask them. Look, the holidays are not always the most wonderful time of the year. You might even be spending Christmas in a way that you had not expected or planned for and so embrace what is and ask those around you if you feel like you are struggling or feeling a little nostalgic and it’s taking you into a negative mindset. This is normal but you can work on resetting it with some tricks and tips I will put together - please, if the holidays are throwing you into a funk - reach out to others who are close to you, I promise they will want to know how you’re really feeling.
Heartbreak is rubbish but you will see the other side of this I promise. Time heals, not the holidays.