Zainab (A.K.A Tinderella Worldwide) is a 26-year-old travelista who swipes her way across the globe and has plenty of tinder and dating advice on her site http://tinderellaworldwide.com/ Here, she gives a lowdown of her tinder fails and valuable lessons we could all learn from them.
Tinder Fail 1: Exchanging hundreds of thousands of messages before you meet
I got on sooo well with this one guy. Like really, really well. Except, we hadn’t met. We exchanged life stories, frustrations and future dreams. I just knew this would be something special. Then we met and all that fell flat on its face. It was one of the most awkward dates ever. I didn’t like how he acted with his pushy body language and how the first thing he said was “You’re wearing more makeup than your pictures”. I wanted to melt and the ground to swallow me up in the burger joint.
Lesson Learnt: Don’t give out a whole saga of your life – it might be a waste. Save it for the date when you can actually see whether or not there’s chemistry. It is unhealthy to be invested emotionally in someone you’ve never met and don’t see.
Tinder Fail 2: Expecting there to be chemistry
Having any expectations is a dangerous game on tinder – if you do, then you’ll either be satisfied or disappointed. On my second tinder date, I expected there to be as much chemistry as there was on my first with ‘Kasanova’. However, I was bitterly disappointed with the lack of spark, despite the fact that he was a ‘nice guy’ and talked about psychology and other things that interested me. I sadly pecked him on the cheek at the end of the date.
Lesson Learnt: If I hadn’t gone in with such high expectations, I would have had a more enjoyable evening, rather than constantly comparing him on my mental tally chart.
Tinder Fail 3: Clinging like cling-film
I was dating a guy who said “I’m not ready for anything” plus the usual bullshit. So I said “OK” and left it. He then got upset and stalked my ass with texts, Instagram likes and Facebook friend requests from different profiles until I blocked it all. His clinginess reeked of desperation.
It also happens within tinder. I might stop talking to a guy, if I feel like dating another guy. Or I might just be busy. But saying “Good morning” to me each morning when I’m not replying doesn’t make you look smooth at all.
Lesson Learnt: If someone isn’t into you, move on and keep swiping. Trying to sway their opinions by being clingy will only negate your presence further in their eyes. People who like you will respond to you.
Tinder Fail 4: Sexting before meeting
In my very early days of tinder, I was texting a guy who started asking for graphic pictures after about 2 hours of chatting. It was a sure-fire way to put me off my lunch and make me feel uncomfortable.
Lesson Learnt: Never give compromising pictures of yourself or info to people you don’t trust; not only is it uncomfortable, but could also be dangerous… Also, if you haven’t met, let alone had sex, dirty conversations will make your real life and online relationship extremely out of sync, contributing to the discomfort. Slow it down.
Tinder Fail 5: Dressing like a fool
It was pouring with rain and all my clothes were in the wash when I went to meet this guy in Taipei who I nicknamed ‘Mr Zero-To-One Hundred’. So I boarded the MRT in tracksuit pants. Yup that’s right. What made it worse was that he’d made a great effort and looked very nice in dark jeans, a nice top and nice hair. I felt like a horrible horrible person.
Lesson Learnt: Be prepared. Have smart/casual date outfits in your closet for different types of weather, so you don’t look like an idiot. Look like you’ve made an effort; after all, you’d want your date to look nice too.
Tinder Fail 6: Making moves too fast
Two dates come to mind here. Both of them put their arm around me and made physical contact within the first 15 minutes of me meeting them – too fast. Both dates tried kissing me before the first hour was up. Again, too fast. I just said no.
Lesson Learnt: Show at least some restraint, even if you’re really attracted to someone. Make me want to kiss you and want the contact as the sexual tension builds, rather than it feeling forced too early on. Both parties need to be comfortable.
Tinder Fail 7: Ignoring warning signs
There’s no definition of when exactly a red flag goes up – it just does and you know it in your gut. I went on a date with an Egyptian in Vietnam. A flag went up when I sensed he liked me more than I liked him and that he was a little aggressive. But I ignored it, because my ego was happy with the attention after a huge dry spell. I went on to find out that he was rude to strangers, clung on to toxic friends and needed everything to always be perfect. Along with a whole host of issues. I was so relieved when it ended.
Lesson Learnt: Don’t ignore your instincts and try to rationalise things that you want to be OK but aren’t.
Tinder Fail 8: Eating messy food
When I went on a date with ‘The Ultimate Hipster Nomad’, I was very hangry and feeling adventurous, so chose to eat a whole crab. Big mistake. It wasn’t shelled (duh) and so I spent the next forty minutes pathetically struggling to get bits of meat out of claws with curry-soaked hands over a crab cracker. Not my most attractive moment…
Lesson learnt: Eat something easy that won’t fall on your clothes and preferably doesn’t have claws.
Tinder Fail 9: Getting Druuuuunk on a date.
You can get tipsy, you can get borderline drunk, but don’t ever get drunk and don’t EVER get druuuuunk. I was still kind of a Tinder noob when I crossed swipes with this dude I that was instantly attracted to in person. We met at around 6pm in a bar in Charing Cross, London and had some drinks. Then some more. Then some more. Conversation was great and despite him having a healthy physique and being 5’7”, he could drink like a tank. So, I tried to keep up. Then he kissed me and my head started spinning faster than a fidget spinner (maybe that’s why I remember it as a good kiss?)
I struggled to walk and felt like I had a temperature and was about to blackout. That’s not safe let alone attractive. Just as he was about to get me a cab home, I pulled a really classy move and threw up on a cash machine outside the bar. Suffice to say I went home alone at 11pm and never heard from the hot dude again.
Lesson Learnt: Go at your own pace. Having control over yourself on a date is of the utmost importance.
Tinder Fail 10: Giving up
After I was dumped unceremoniously by ‘The One That Broke My Heart’ I thought all was lost. I had thought that this guy was ‘The One’ and now my Matrix had forever been shattered and I would never date again without being disappointed. After a rough few months I started dating again. And the dates weren’t as good, but I felt better to be at least doing something. Fast forward a couple of years and he’s a tiny blip in my past; since him, I’ve been on dates where I’ve experienced higher levels of attraction, had deeper levels of connection and have had fun in the process of all the dates – the good, the bad and the ugly. It was probably a good thing that he wasn’t that into me, because I wasn’t as into him as I thought.
Lesson Learnt: Never give up – just keep swiping. The bet way of getting over someone is figuring yourself out and dating other people that will make you forget them.