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Modern Day Dating: A Communication Crisis

Dating is complex. It’s a minefield of constant meanderings with those potentials that we hope will be a match. It takes a whole lot of courage to put ourselves out there on the dating scene where we find that we spend time reflecting on ourselves, reflecting on others and making comparisons on what we deem to be an acceptable match and indeed, what we think is not. Dating can be tough and a test of how discerning we are as individuals.

A huge part of my professional life enables me to be busy travelling to meet singles internationally who are serious to search for love and are willing to look on a global scale for the right person. I am talking about clients of mine who are willing to build relationships for the long-term further to a long distance romance via personal introductions - wherever the person is, they don’t seem to think this a hindrance but rather a helping hand to their romantic life. It never seizes to blow my mind how each day my team of meddling matchmakers are keeping so busy - even on a planet where singles seem to be at our very finger tips - the majority of the world of singles are swiping in the hope to find a soulmate. However, whilst the swipes are plentiful, dating potentials is so few and far between, I wanted to lightly investigate through many a conversation with my clients and potentials regarding what on earth is going on out there. Is there a crisis - why so many matches, yet so little return on emotional investment? Is it that singles have saturated the swiping platforms, maybe they have been on so many dates and are a little jaded by the 'soulmate' search. A tour across the states meeting around 230 singles in May and June enabled me to scratch the surface with singles and their online dating experiences.

Singles today are going on so many dates, ‘matching’ with so many suitors on the platform of their choice and yet struggling to forge a lasting connection further than date two or three, if lucky. Whilst I do think apps and online platforms have their place, I do also think that we are losing the human element to dating and there is a communication crisis between those that are consciously looking to couple - I am also finding this to be mainly in major cities globally - in my experience; San Fran, LA, NYC and also back home in London. We are talking about smart, savvy, educated, successful singles struggling to connect with each other. Moreover, the singles I am referring to are super duper serious in their search for love - so why haven’t they been snapped up? Let’s take a look at a few potential reasons communication has broken down, specifically with online dating (with the majority of singles talking of using around 3 or 4 apps over online dating - mainly for convenience).

Traditional Roles Vs Equality

In a modern world where women strive for equality on all levels the majority of females on dating apps expect men to reach out to them first. Sure, we think men should show that chivalry isn’t dead and forge ahead with saying hello and communicating first but for single males, it’s all a little confusing and dating apps can also be a little daunting. To get the best result online ladies and whilst we think a gent should be gentlemanly and indeed propose the date I do think that saying hello is really a great thing to do on both sides of the ‘match’ otherwise what a waste of energy, time invested in finding said match and you risk a loss of momentum in moving forward. What’s the worst that could happen from a simple hello - who knows where it may lead?

Excessive Vetting Before The Date

Now, this really is over-communicating and it can happen if you feel you might really quite like someone - it's normal but be conscious of it. You don’t want your first date to be a struggle for conversation points because you have asked so many questions via your app or Whatsapp beforehand. Whilst you think you are being efficient, perhaps as efficient as you may in your professional life, it’s really not a good idea here so try not to transfer it to your personal / romantic life. When you ask a tonne of questions before the date you can a) end up pre-judging them and not going on the date at all b) going on the date having accumulated lots of expectation and finding there isn’t any chemistry c) becoming emotionally attached to a stranger or d) getting so excited and working your first date nerves up more than they would normally be. Don’t excessively vet, don’t over-communicate, have a little small talk and schedule the first date as soon as possible then your gut should tell you the rest. Right?