"People enter our lives for a reason, a season or for a lifetime"
Spring has sprung and there’s one thing on my mind – situationships. We are no strangers to the fact that dating trends are changing and the way we meet each other is ever evolving and I am sad to say that the future of dating doesn’t look pretty. Many of us are wasting our precious time in non-committal situationships rather than relationships and I am glad to report that I am now in the know of the future of dating thanks to meeting Facebook in Barcelona this month. Here’s a clue – it’s virtual. Sigh! Yet another excuse not to meet each other, create chemistry and build on those blocks essential for the foundations of a forever love.
A situationship, if you’ve never heard of it, is basically a pseudo-relationship. A situationship is a placebo masking itself as a relationship, but the reality is that it is not. All the essentials of the beginnings of a relationship may be there but one thing that hasn’t been had is ‘the conversation’ or the even the hint of daring to delve a little deeper into ‘what you are’
The Urban Dictionary describes a situationship as any problematic relationship characterised by one or more unresolved, interpersonal conflicts. usually confused with dating. The overall dating climate is changing and formalities are harder to find. Instead there’s this awkward meandering through something that feels like something that leads to sex that may or may not be something that continues for a time until one party wants to make it an official something, or go separate ways all together. Here are 7 signs you’re in a situationship:
1. You haven’t had ‘the’ conversation and maybe don’t want to.
You’ve come to the resolve that your mr or miss right now isn’t really the one for you but you seem happy enough to hang in there hoping you will catch feelings or until you feel the right person has crossed your path (no online dating pun intended). To be quite frank the reason you are doing this is because you are lonely but if someone you deem to be better for you comes along, chances are you won’t be sticking around. You may find yourself having thoughts that it could work, followed by doubts and an inconsistency in how you feel and communicate yourself to each other.
2. You don’t have a title.
When finding yourselves in public situations the not knowing what’s acceptable to call each other can fill your time together with uncertainty and quite simply some slightly awkward situations. Making those introductions will be tricky as you try not to seem all in but calling them a friend can be on the verge of insulting to each other. These conversations can lead to stumbling blocks and many stuttered sentences as you try to string together what you are without the ‘what are we’ conversation and don’t want to seem pressurising either into ‘where is this going’. How exhausting, don’t you agree?
3. Your main means of communication is digitally.
Chatting via text, whatsapp or your preferred messenger really enables you to creatively think about responses and not always be 100% in – you can respond when you want and you don’t have to be in relationship real-time. Another attribute to the uncomplicated relationship – flexible communication. You don’t get to hear someones tone this removes the emotional element from the liaising with your like-minded other but bare in mind that anything written is premeditated and more often than not thought out.
4. You’d rather have them around than no-one around.
Your situationship is an uncomplicated breeze where you don’t have to delve too deeply on an emotional level and everything sits quite lightly on the surface with the two of you whilst you just potter along without consciously making the effort to partner. You may think to yourself, as many in this situation do, why let go of a good thing even if it’s not the right thing as you really like having that person around. You’re in it for the good times – but the good times alone.
5. You don’t hang out with each others friends.
You are not making a conscious effort to show to to other parties or occasions any sort of exclusivity through fear of questions and lack of titles for each other but have most certainly met each others friends. You care a lot and although you know you are more than friends with benefits, really emotionally neither party is benefiting from the situation as confusion sits like a cloud above your uncertain heads. Hanging with each others friends is okay but can lead to those unwelcome questions that neither of you are comfortable answering.
6. Your friends and family are more in tune with your life than they are.
Even though you find yourself speaking or chatting on a day to day basis the reality of what is really happening in your life seems more behind the scenes and your friends and family will probably know much more about your real thoughts, feelings and situation than the other being in your situationship.
7. Social Media tells you nothing about the two of you.
These pseudo-relationships tend to last as long as each person sees fit as neither one in the situation wants to let go and the possibility of what could be lingers in the mind but doesn’t seem to quite materialise into a conversation. Although the two of you may have many snaps together the likelihood of those appearing on social media is minimal to keep your uncomplicated situation quite frankly just that.