‘Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you. Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you’.
We have all heard the saying that communication is key but isn’t it essential to not only communicate what we are saying and feeling but to communicate it effectively? When it comes to relationships the essential ingredient for longevity in love is communicating with one another, even when the ground doesn’t seem to be common in a particular conversation. As human beings, amongst a few other vitals, all we really want in life is to be heard and if the party listening in is your partner or that all important potential partner surely understanding what you are saying and how you are feeling is more important than the actual hearing of your words.
Communication is both verbal and non-verbal, sometimes words do not need to be spoken to get across what you are thinking or perhaps how you are feeling in a certain situation with your partner but as long as you are openly communicating it really is an essential ingredient to making a relationship last the long-run. Effective communication with that certain someone or perhaps in any of your close relationships enables us to really deepen our connections and bring closer to us those that mean the most.
Here are 5 top tips for effective communication with that certain someone to ensure your relationship has the longevity it deserves, even if in it’s early stages.
It is not just what you say, it’s how you say it. Sometimes when we are trying to get our point across we can sometimes come across as confrontational and we do this by using the word ‘you’ and ‘I’ and we don’t quite realise the undertone or effect it has on the other party emotionally. Using the word ‘you’ can sound like a finger pointing exercise and sometimes using the word ‘I’ one too many times, or in certain contexts can come across as self-centred. If there is an instance where you would like ensure your partner or potential understands how you are feeling and are trying to communicate it effectively, it is far better to say ‘this made me feel like this’ and your body language should always mirror exactly what you are saying to be congruent.
Listening. We may not realise but by really listening to what someone is saying, rather than just being an ear for an interval, can be the biggest bond building exercise between two beings that there is. Communicating with one another isn’t just about solving problems and finding solutions, it’s about quality of time spent together to build that all important deep connection and digesting what is spoken in a conversation, as well as the unspoken. Knowing just when to speak and when to be silent is also an important step to building rapid rapport. They say the quieter you become, the more you can hear; whoever they are.
Body Language Is Bonding. A very strong form of communication which is unspoken and non-verbal and can be portrayed in our positioning/posture, facial expressions, eye movements and the space that we provide between ourselves and our special other. As mentioned previously, effective communication comes from our body language accurately being aligned with our spoken communication. The more we become aware of how our unspoken communication may be coming across to someone else the more effectively we will express ourselves and build connections for longevity in love.
We can not read minds. Your special someone may be the most wonderful person in the world in your eyes but it’s really important for you to always remember that they are not quite the mind reader you expect them to be at all times. If you have been together for a while you may think they know your very next thought but this is not always the case, we are all very different as beings and just because we may have entered into a long-term relationship or perhaps have married our other half - there are still two individuals in a partnership who are just that; individual.
Being passive may pose problems. If you have an opinion about something in your relationship acting in a passive way or not communicating quite how you feel will result in cracks in the long-run. Avoidance of a conversation that may seem slightly confrontational may mean a suppression in communication and we, as human beings, will take this inward and it will only harm ourselves in the long-run. That being said, pick your battles carefully as some things, when put into perspective, are not the be all and end all of your life together; if it really is love.
The bottom line when it comes to makin